In Layman's terms

 I don't want to say that I got lost in the matrix because God is not one to make mistakes. Let's just say making me grow up in a lower middle class setting was a character development move. I've always known that I was destined for a soft life. There are lots of things about myself that are shaky, except for that. It is a firm verity, a constituent of my blood. I believe that the universe is working overtime to bring me to my destiny. Wealth acquired by my own hand with my own skill riding the waves of success on the surfboard of God's grace. I certainly wasn't brought here to spend all my years struggling or just merely surviving. In my lowest moments I entertain thoughts of myself living in a 5 roomed rented house with my husband and kids, a house whose rent is most of my salary. My husband and I working hard, doing our best but still barely getting by. I imagine myself not being able to afford those shoes that I want, having to save for months on end to get that

 The good days give me the worst anxiety. The song dedications and the banter make me feel all fuzzy and warm on the inside. However, my confidence is a fleeting mirage. I struggle daily to keep it up. It's easier with you because you're so far away. I don't know what I would do if you were here, standing in front of me. I have nightmares about that day. I guess I just didn't expect you to respond, but if I'm being completely honest, I hoped you would. And you did. And you're perfect. Just try not to be so loving and caring all the time, it stresses me out.  It's only me, Allison. I don't deserve all this.

 When I was younger I thought it was a pointless money grab, the bottle. Thanked my lucky stars that I had escaped it's clutch. I wasn't privy to its prowess back then. An anaesthetic for the innermost pain. A silencer of the voices in our heads. A muzzle for the rabid demons harboured inside us.